Toddler, Baby and Me: The Five Month Update

toddler baby 5 month update

This is the very first time in just over two years that I’ve very nearly missed posting my baby update on the proper day. It used to be on the 17th of every month, now it’s on the 3rd (Ted was born on the 3rd February and it made more sense – at the time – to swap to then, seeing as though he’d be changing faster. Or so I thought!). It has become almost a compulsion that I must get my update published on the set day and so here I am, bleary-eyed, slightly tearful (one of those days) trying to get this written before the clock strikes midnight.

(What is wrong with me that I can’t put any sensible limits on myself with regards to work and all of the other stuff that I take on? It has got to stop. It’s almost at crisis point. I’ve reached peak fatigue!)

Let’s get started on the baby and toddler updates before I stop making sense – I’ve already typed the wrong birthday for Ted and edited it twice and written “tiddler” instead of “toddler”. Without further ado, then…

toddler baby 5 month update


Almost as though a switch was flicked: we now have a two year old, a two year old with many mannerisms that wouldn’t seem out of place on a teenager. Eye rolls, hands on hips, cheeky retorts, screaming matches – what happened? Overnight? No longer does my baby want to sit with me (“no!” “there!”) and cuddles have to be worked for. Bribed, even. The wrong dolly brought down to breakfast spells disaster and woe betide anyone who tries to make her have her nappy changed if she isn’t fully on board with the idea. I shouldn’t start with this, really, because alongside the little – and infrequent – tantrums, we have the most joyful and characterful little person. And I can understand where the tantrums come from, because it must be frustrating being told what to do and when to do it, when you’ve only just started to learn how to be independent. You can walk, and you can open cupboard doors and you can play puzzles and work the TV remote (!) but so many of your plans are scuppered by the large people. Bastards!

Watch: A Day In The Life Video

I wasn’t prepared for just how fast toddlers learn and develop – every day there’s a new word, a new action, something mimicked or discovered. Today Angelica surprised me by counting to four! I have no idea whether that’s “good” or not, as I’ve still not read any books and we don’t go to many classes, but it impressed me! And we’ve got mini sentences going on – “no Doodle shoe!” which is what she says when Dexter the dog (Dexter Doodle) has a slipper, or “Mummy car home”, which is what she said after Tumble Tots when we got to the car park. Bravo, my little information sponge! Thank God you absorbed that particular information and not my road raging. “WHERE ARE YOUR INDICATORS YOU BLOODY MORON?!”

I’m guessing that’ll have to stop.

I always thought that I’d be a baby person and sort of “mourn” the baby stage once Angelica passed it by, but I have to say that I’m in love with the toddler phase, tantrums and all. I don’t want to sound like one of those sickeningly twee and positive people, but I think that the giant leaps in communication skills more than make up for any boundary-asserting tantrum sessions. I mean, they haven’t been that bad so far so maybe I’ll eat my words, but it’s amazing being able to finally converse – albeit in a stilted manner – with the being who has been my whole world for two years. It’s like we’ve made alien contact! It’s not as though we sit there discussing poetry –  it’s one or two word attempts at conversation, usually involving “squirrels” or “trees” or “poo poo” or “bears” – but it’s a start. And I get a disproportionate amount of joy from seeing Angelica suddenly work out how to stick a magnet to the washing machine or stack boxes in the right order or even find something funny in a cartoon she’s watching. To see that she’s understood and remembered something – it’s like witnessing the cogs in motion.

Oh man, am I becoming one of those gushing people? I hope not! I just find it all so fascinating and funny. I’ll shut up now.

toddler baby 5 month update


The baby is also conversing and counting to four. JOKE. He dribbles loads and smashes me in the face with his big head if I stand him up on my lap. Seriously, how many people must go to A&E with broken noses or shattered teeth as a result of babies head-butting them? If anyone has stats on that…baby-caused injuries. Ted is holding himself upright, but still needs support when he’s sitting. I reckon he’s almost there – just in time for six months, hopefully, and a spot of weaning. Is it me, or has that gone really, really fast? I still remember typing up the 39 week pregnancy post, a few days before I had him, and now he’s almost weaning! I’m still breastfeeding him exclusively and still haven’t managed to get around to expressing – I’m almost thinking that I’ll never get around to it. I want to, because I’ll get a bit more freedom to do stuff, but I don’t know whether I can cope with the whole pump and sterilising thing again. It was a major faff. Or maybe I’m just remembering the bad parts – I do recall getting a lot of satisfaction from watching the jets of milk shoot into the bottle. Maybe I’ll give it another go; I need some entertainment to get me through the evening.

Read the Four Month Update

Ted is sleeping from around 8pm until 6am, he wakes at 11pm for a feed and then at 2/3-ish (that one’s the killer session!) and then at around 6am for his wake-up feed. Six AM. That’s still classified as nighttime in my books. I try to stay asleep until about half past, but I can’t resist the little coos. Mind you, if he’s had a feed at 3/4am, there’s no way I’m getting up at 6 and so I stick on the sound of the vacuum cleaner on my iPhone and he normally drops off after ten minutes or so. I find it difficult to sleep through white noise, but if I turn it down low enough and shifty over to the other side of the bed…

Compare to Angelica’s Five Month Update


toddler baby 5 month update


I’m going to whizz through my update, with a view to doing one in more detail on both mental and physical state. Nothing to worry about, that sounds ominous doesn’t it? I’m in tact. Just tired. Still got my Mini Magnum addiction and therefore gut, however if I breathe in I look like a sort of version of my old self, if a little blurred and soft around the edges! Boobs still massive, scar itches in the heat, hair is falling out, mind is sharp for some of the day and non-existent for the other part. If you want any kind of sensible interaction you have to catch me in the good bit, but who knows when that will be.. Usually after 8pm and before 11.30pm, which is when I do the lion’s share of my time-sensitive work. Admin is taken care of in the mornings, during Peppa Pig, and videos are done during the 11.30-1.30 nap-time. If Ted is asleep as well as Angelica. Now and then I have a nap too, if both are down – but it’s always the time the postman comes so it’s hard to relax.

Ooh err.

Right, midnight is almost upon us and I will turn into a pumpkin if I don’t get to bed. I haven’t even proof-read this, which is a first – I seem to recall that I’ve inserted a joke about the postman – so please do forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. I should really leave it as a draft and edit tomorrow when I’m not propping up my eyelids with matchsticks, but – as I said at the start (I think?) – I have a sort of superstition, or compulsion, when it comes to posting on the right day for the update. So here it is. Warts and all. Goodnight!


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  1. Lucy Bisset
    July 4, 2017 / 3:06 am

    I’m up at 0330 to take my 14yo to the drop off for three and a half weeks in Florida with the Scouts. I’m absolutely knackered but feeling so overwhelmed, Florida is so far away! My husband will say it’s the pregnancy hormones but I’m pretty sure If be like this anyway. Away to wake the 6yo to say goodbye to the big one, he only went to bed last night if we promised to get him up. I’m so glad I had a chance to read this while I listen to Kieran blow drying his hair (yes, nothing gets in the way of teenage vanity). Seeing your kids grow up is so thrilling but I really want it to slow down, just a little.

  2. D
    July 4, 2017 / 6:08 am

    You had me worried!! I always look forward to the 3rd 🙂

    Discoverd your blog when I was feeding my newborn at an ungodly hour back in April and googled “when does life with baby get better”. And voila your post about newborns!!! It helped and you have this funny style… love your Blog, funny and honest and positiv. Thank you!!!

    Take care of yourself though… done is better than perfect (if you must).

    • July 4, 2017 / 7:41 am

      Good to know it pops up when relatively obscure things are Googled! : )

  3. July 4, 2017 / 7:16 am

    Ky little one is 1 year and three minths already, and my daughter two years older. Even thoug I want to slow down their growing up it is so amazing to see the new things and mannerisms they develop, and it only gets better. Yesterday I had my daughter tell off her little brother who was having a tantrum (the Teddy didn’t want to sit up properly) and she explained that getting angry wouldn’t change a thing. I was in tears, both from laughing and from emotions. A few minutes later she had a tantrum because I told her not to spit on the kitchen floor…

  4. Louise
    July 4, 2017 / 8:49 am

    It has gone fast! My little one is 7 months (and a bit!) and I remember thinking our babies would be quite far apart at first but they’re not now – the gap seems to close the older they get!

    You’re lucky with the cooing when Ted wakes. I get yelled at. Every. Single. Time. Little toad.

    Anyway I’ve just sat in an unnoticed pile of weetabix vomit so best go clean it up!

    You’re clearly doing amazingly and I love reading your blogs, so thank you!

  5. Sarah
    July 4, 2017 / 9:00 am

    My first baby headbutted my mouth and my front crown sheared off. I’ve just forgiven her – she’s 22 now. Haha. And on the way to Thailand. What the hell, how will I sleep for the next month!!!

  6. Georgie
    July 4, 2017 / 10:13 am

    My little girl is 2 months older than Angelica and she’s so contrary at the moment! Insists on picking her outfits and is OBSESSED with pink (I’m not no idea where she gets it) ‘pink dress mummy, I want pink one’ her older brother didn’t know his colours til he was three!
    She’s so funny though and is such a mummy’s girl which I love because my son is all about Daddy unless he’s poorly. The 2 mile round trip for the school run is becoming trickier though as she now refuses both the sling and the buggy in favour of walking and I try and use the school run as the dogs walk so it’s …. interesting!

  7. Emma
    July 4, 2017 / 10:58 am

    Ruth if it helps with the faff for expressing you don’t actually need to sterilise for breastmilk bottles, just wash really well with hot soapy water or run through the dishwasher. Its fine as you obviously don’t sterilise your breasts before feeding!! I still did sterilise the pump bit occasionally though just in case as I don’t have a dishwasher and was a bit paranoid. Also once Ted gets to six months and hes having a bit of water with his meals you wouldn’t sterilise that cup either. And they put bloody everything that’s been on the floor in their mouths by then too. So that might help you with a bit less to do!

    My son is nineteen months and we have just started mega tantrums – every day, several times a day. He gets so upset he forgets to take breaths in and goes blue in the face. Its terrifying! I cant imagine how much worse it’s going to get by two! Angelica sounds very chilled out in comparison! He has been very chilled out up to this point but now its like a switch has been flipped 🙁 He seems to be picking up lots of words, I’m hoping as his language comes along a bit more and I can understand what it is he wants it will calm down a bit.

  8. Sk
    July 4, 2017 / 3:26 pm

    You are brilliant and it’s nice to have someone who loves their children like you do! Wonderful reading xx

  9. Ginny Burley
    July 4, 2017 / 10:57 pm

    I do very much hope you know that you can’t put sensible limits on yourself regarding work because you are exhausted! You do SO much more than I did when my children were small. Just remember to give yourself a compassionate break when you need one. Babies don’t stay babies for long, but interesting work will always pop up when you are ready. Seeing you outside sitting on the grass with your beautiful children brings tears to my eyes.

  10. Elaine Murray
    July 5, 2017 / 12:06 am

    Love your blogs, I was the same as you (on my 3rd) and couldn’t have been arsed expressing, then needed to but she would NOT take a bottle (at 6 months). We had screaming crying and hysterics (her …….. well me too probably) i gave up and then tried again a couple of months later and it was a solid week to 10 days before I got a bottle in her mouth. Eventually reluctant sucking and then slowly she didn’t scream everytime she saw it. It was really tough tho. Not trying to sound preachy but just to be aware, I had scoffed at friends whose babies wouldn’t take a bottle previously but then ended up so lazy about it. I still miss breastfeeding (she’s 2 and 9 mos) it is such an intimate time with your child.

  11. Louise
    July 5, 2017 / 8:24 am

    Ruth I just LOVE reading your blogs about motherhood!! I have a 12 week old (well, 12 weeks tomorrow) – he’s my first baby. I came across your blog by accident a few weeks back when Googling something or other in the dead of the night when up for yet another feed & I’m so glad I did. Your no BS funny outlook & lack of Instagram filters on the reality of toddlers & babies is so refreshing & makes me feel normal!!! No idea how you’re doing so much work though & surviving on so little sleep. Fair play to you, you’re doing an amazing job x

  12. Susanamantha
    July 5, 2017 / 1:31 pm

    Ha! Reading about baby-induced injuries reminded me of my visit to the ER in the wee hours after my 3 month old daughter, while being breastfed, scratched my eye with her wild-waving hands with razor sharp fingernails. The pain! I don’t think that the ER doctor (English as second language, not quite) understood my explanation of what had happened to my eye. He kept telling me and wagging his finger at my face, “Do not sleep in contact lenses!” I repeated that my baby scratched my eye. He kept saying “Do not sleep in contact lenses!” It made me wonder what other people’s symptoms were misunderstood. Example: a heart attack sufferer. “Do not eat many hot peppers!” Broken ankle: “Do not walk too much!” Good advice, perhaps, but hardly reassuring.

    • July 5, 2017 / 2:33 pm

      Hahahaha!!! Oh my God, sorry to laugh, but you do tell that well! xx

  13. Ruth
    July 5, 2017 / 7:18 pm

    My nearly two year old is bashing me with his head on purpose, when he is not having whathever is happening 🙂 it hurts, especialy in the middle of the night, when i am not prepared to this attack, but he is determined to get me out of the bed and take my place next to beloved holy daddy 🙂

  14. Ncf21
    July 7, 2017 / 1:54 pm

    Beware the road rage etc! I was waiting for a train with my two and a half year old last week. Train was late. She was insisting I carry her even through we were going nowhere. After 20 mins of waiting and carrying I was more than a bit fed up and said out loud “Where’s this flipping train then?”. Cue her saying constantly instantly: is this the flipping train? Are we on the flipping train Mummy? Is that a flipping train too? ARGH.

  15. Henriette
    July 8, 2017 / 8:18 am

    And what’s about mr. AMR, Ruth? I mean; I know he’s ‘hiding’ (I feel him), but is he also hiding in terms of being around, because you don’t mention him in your post? Just tell me to mind my own business if I’m going to far now

  16. Julie
    July 13, 2017 / 7:36 pm

    Love your posts, always funny. And very tender as well, not too ‘twee’, just very clear you adore your babies. It is so hard breastfeeding exclusively, and working, and having a toddler. Most people definitely don’t do all that, so huge pat on the back from me. x

  17. July 30, 2017 / 10:59 am

    Sounds lovely. So glad your enjoying the toddler stage, I find it hilarious, their such little characters. The three stage? Lovingly dubbed three-nagers are somewhat more asshole like.
    My brill accident was when I was holding a friends little one, we was all laughing and chatting when he threw his head back. My tooth left a nice red mark on his head and he split my lip open! All fun and games XD xx

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