Toddler, Baby and Me: The Fourteen Month Update

parenting update

I think, for the first time, my self-imposed monthly update deadline may have beaten me. I do not have a single ounce of energy to type up my thoughts or think of witty things to say about poo (or the fact that the other day I got poo all over my tracksuit bottoms, which is a disaster in this house because I only have one pair of tracksuit bottoms that fit and if I have to wear actual clothes, ones that I could go out in public in, it takes me about eight hours to find something decent) and I have no brain space to remember baby milestones or quirky little things that Angelica has said over the past few weeks.

In short, I have failed you.

Rather melodramatic, that statement, but it’s annoying that for almost three years I’ve managed to give you a run-down of the previous month, warts and all, and now I’m about to let myself down….

…but wait! With all of this waffling, I could have written the update by now! Let’s give it a try, shall we? I’m going to summon up every molecule of energy available (just eaten a whole bar of white chocolate, so that should help things along) and whizz through some important facts. Then at least you have the bare bones of the Month of March and we can flesh things out a bit when I have some more time…

On the whole time thing; I thought that as the babies got older, I’d have more time. “They’ll play together!” I thought, “on their own!” “I’ll just need to peep at them every few minutes to make sure they haven’t started eating the dog food or poking things into the plug sockets or colouring in the kitchen units with the black marker pen. If I just keep half an eye on them, everything will be fine.”

Not true. It’s like trying to look after two very drunk people who very definitely want a kebab and will not get on the bus but can’t find their purse or stand up straight and might very well puke on the glass-fronted counter. Anyway, lots of fun but there is no way in hell that you can get any work done whilst looking after a toddler and a baby. Or a toddler and a toddler. Because now Ted is on the move, which is a whole new world of constant danger…

Toddler

Angelica’s favourite things of the month: “big girl knickers” (she’s pretty much 100% toilet trained, if that’s the right phrase, and is dry at night – I just need to be brave and take the nappy off once and for all!), Peter Rabbit (the obsession with Peter Rabbit and Mr McGregor continues – she went to the cinema to see the new film but it cut off half way through), running (on the world’s most slippery wooden floor – roll on carpeting day), storytime (anything and everything) and Hippo. Hippo is a nightlight that she has at the end of her cot; he glows different colours and then, annoyingly, every five minutes he turns off. Which means that we have to run up the stairs about fifty times a night turning him back on again. “MUMMY! DADDY! Hippo gone off!” A sane woman would just buy another nightlight, one that stays on…

Baby

Ted is walking – running, actually. He went from crawling to cruising to walking in the space of about eight seconds and now can be found quite literally hurtling himself up and down the living room, usually holding something dangerous such as a fork or the rod from the dog toy or a twig that’s fallen down the chimney. (Bloody birds.) He is also saying Mama, Dada, RAAAAH! (if you say “be a dinosaur!”) and Row Row. (Row Row being famous lyrics from the well-known song Row Row Row Your Boat. A mind-numbing song if ever there was one. Although great for bastardising with mildly inappropriate alternative versions. I’ll write them down for you one day.)

Me

Ugh. No energy, no brain space, no emotional space – I need a holiday. Just some sun. Somewhere with a kids’ club. Is 14 months too young for an hour or so in a kids’ club? Do we trust kids’ clubs? I have to admit that I find the idea of them faintly horrifying, only because I have a thing about a) leaving babies alone with people I haven’t met at least nine billion times and b) being abroad. I worry about ice cubes abroad, about health and safety abroad, about sharks, jelly fish, spiders and sand creatures abroad. In short, despite being incredibly well-travelled and very open-minded, I am a terrible worrier when it comes to holidays. Abroad. Add two kids into the mix and it could well end up being less of a holiday, more of an exercise in extreme stress-testing. Discuss…

UPDATE: er, just realised that I wrote a whole update post anyway. Despite spending ten minutes telling you how I didn’t have the time. What a berk. I should just get on with the matter in hand instead of making excuses. Anyway, my Monthly Update Record remains untarnished for now. Ta-ta until next time…

*© 2017 The Uphill®: *Outbound links are affiliate links, which means that I receive a very small percentage of any sale made. This does not affect my content in any way and does not cost you anything, but you are most welcome to Google the products on a new page if you prefer. All opinions are my own and any sponsored or paid posts will always be clearly marked as an AD in the title. I accept press samples and receive product and services to review as part of my job. "The Uphill" and "Ruth Crilly" are registered trademarks.

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18 Comments

  1. April 3, 2018 / 11:44 pm

    We honeymooned at Sani Resort in Greece and loved it!

    Luxury and sea and sun and all set up for kids including a brilliant range/variety of child care!

    X

    • Tania
      April 20, 2018 / 10:03 am

      I totally agree! Sani Resort is amazing!

  2. Alicka
    April 4, 2018 / 4:47 am

    You need a holiday. Not sweaty kind of Greek Island with baby sitting kids club. You need a posh baby friendly hotel that is for families only. Where there are socket plugs in your room, play pen and as many cots as you ask for. Breakfast bar has baby food and there is a playroom with a trained nanny. Not cheap but not extortion either. I will try to look it up if you want

  3. Anja
    April 4, 2018 / 5:25 am

    Well done, you did finish an update in the end! It’s a pleasure to read your posts as usual!

  4. Julie Allen
    April 4, 2018 / 6:14 am

    In my opinion a lovely warm, sunny ‘abroad’ holiday is just what you all need Ruth. Do some research and sort yourself out a lovely child friendly all inclusive. Somewhere in Greece maybe? We used to take our little ones to Majorca. Pretty island, short flight. You’ll get a good idea of the suitability from the reviews. We actually live in Spain now near a lovely place called Mojacar. It’s very child friendly, beaches are clean and child friendly and nothing spooky lurking in the sand! Go on…..treat yourself this year! You deserve it x

  5. April 4, 2018 / 7:18 am

    Am totally with you on kids clubs. I assume necessity overrides fear at some point, and you just blimmin go for it.

  6. Barbara
    April 4, 2018 / 9:36 am

    Oh how I wish the monthly updates would continue on for days as I love the very heartfelt and funny and sometimes sad and always honest posts that you so lovingly share. But I had toddlers once myself so I understand how you have 0 time for fun things like spilling your heart out on paper. But being the gifted and dedicated writer that you are, you once again make me smile and laugh out loud and wish that I lived next door to you!!! Thank you for carving out time for us!!!!!!! xo

  7. Erna
    April 4, 2018 / 11:11 am

    Please Ruth just book the wel deserved vacation!!! Canary Island always have sunny and warm weather and it is not a very long flight. Gran Canaria: Villa del Condé and Tenerife: Bahia del Duque… you wont regret it!! Love from Belgium XX

  8. April 4, 2018 / 11:54 am

    We just went on a skiing trip in a Kids Hotel, and both kids (4 and 2) loved the Kids Club. Of course I was sitting there all the time, to make sure everything was alright, but I brought a book and managed to actually read it.
    I am not a helicopter mum usually, but the staff there was very young and very friendly, but in my opinion not fit to supervise up to 20 kids of all ages.

  9. Jo.C
    April 4, 2018 / 12:00 pm

    You need to get the children a Pillow Pet Dream Lites night light. I bought two for my daughters because both are scared of their own shadows. It sits at the end of their beds and has a 20 min off timer. If they get scared or can’t sleep I tell them to count the stars in each colour which shine onto the ceiling (it changes colour every few seconds, so they drift off to sleep after 5 mins). It really is a god send and saves me from using the neighbour’s guinea pigs as a sacrifice to the sleep god. He he!

    NOTE: No guinea pigs were harmed, although the damn owl that hoots in my garden all night is getting close. 😉

  10. Sk
    April 4, 2018 / 12:50 pm

    Just go somewhere posh and the money will dictate that your children will be looked after by top class professionals. Otherwise bring some relatives along and they will be thrilled I’m sure.

  11. Karen
    April 4, 2018 / 1:42 pm

    I am avoiding holidays for now as people have told me it’s like being at home but double the work cos you don’t have your creature comforts.
    I would see if you can find a way to have a lovely long weekend away with Mr AMR…leave the kids with someone.
    I have even thought about booking a hotel for the day and night for myself (I live in Hong Kong so plenty of places to accommodate that request!)

    Well done for getting something on your blog!
    My friend had her first baby, c section yesterday. I am thinking about how her life will change and am already trying to guide her towards going easy on herself (stop looking at your stomach!). Even as the months go by, we still ask too much of ourselves.

  12. Lucy M
    April 4, 2018 / 7:14 pm

    Why don’t you do bi-monthly updates? No one will mind. We all love reading them but you sound beside yourself with tiredness. Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m a maniac when it comes to pushing myself at work, and today had the revelation that I think my client’s don’t actually care that much. Or enough for me to work as hard as I do. Anyway! Go on holiday. We went to Martinhal Cascais which is fine. Great kids club. I’d go to Sani if you can get a decent flight. I would love to go but cant stomach the 5.50 on crappyjet or whatever it is…

  13. Jennifer FP
    April 5, 2018 / 5:50 pm

    My heart is broken. You just dashed my hopes about having more time when the children are older. But “[i]t’s like trying to look after two very drunk people who very definitely want a kebab and will not get on the bus but can’t find their purse or stand up straight and might very well puke on the glass-fronted counter” is probably the truest depiction of raising children.

  14. Sinéad
    April 5, 2018 / 7:01 pm

    Hi Ruth! Thank you for another lovely post! I have been reading since before you had Angelica. I now have a five month old son and really enjoy these updates! I’ve been meaning to comment for ages to tell you that your breastfeeding posts were brilliant encouragement for me as BF is not very common here. Reading your posts feels a bit like hearing from the experience of a friend.

    Definitely holiday if you can, you work really hard and the thought of you all enjoying a well deserved break in the sunshine makes me happy

  15. Mandy
    April 5, 2018 / 9:57 pm

    Have you got a Bath school yet? There’s the most brilliant one, super caring, award-winning, big on arts and adventure, clever teaching, gorgeous deputy head who always has your back: Weston All Saints

  16. Liz
    April 7, 2018 / 10:12 pm

    Woolley Grange hotel is near you with good childcare, all you need for kids and a baby listening service so you can go down to dinner in the evenings and not have to be silent in your room while kids sleep. Also has a really nice heated pool and garden you can enjoy with the kids once they’ve had their 2hrs in the crèche. We went with baby and toddler when I felt frazzled and it was great. I’m generally reluctant to leave kids in childcare too and wasn’t convinced I’d trust the baby listening but felt fine about it all once I was there – they seem to know what they’re doing.

  17. Hannah
    April 8, 2018 / 6:52 am

    Definitely a holiday needed. Look up Neilson Holidays. They are brilliant for children and brilliant for grown ups. Go for a fortnight so you get a proper relax…packing for two little ones will be crazy so you need a fortnight or even three weeks to recover just from that!! 😉 xx

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