The Pregnancy Diaries: 36 Weeks

ruth crilly pregnant

Lots happening this week, including the threat of Gestational Diabetes (massive baby measurements, especially abdominal, so I am having to check my blood sugar levels four times a day) and so I’ve stuck it all into one long rambling video. It’s not often you get to see me “live and kicking” on The Uphill, so I hope that you enjoy these infrequent video treats!

Here goes then: a confused conversation about big babies, VBACs and carrying around an almost-full-term bump:


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  1. January 16, 2017 / 8:03 am

    Oh no, gestational diabetes? I hope it is false alarm.

  2. Anna
    January 16, 2017 / 9:16 am

    Ruth you look fab!! Whatever decision you make re VBAC or c-section will be the right one for you – I get the feeling you have made up your mind, and just need to give yourself permission to make the decision. Either way, not long now until you get to meet your baby! I’m slightly jealous you’re 6 weeks ahead of me…
    I was perusing nursing pillows last night, and have seen good reviews (including yours) of the thrupenny bits pillows. Could I ask whether you went for the ‘classic’ or ‘ultimate’? (Basically small or large..?), or what you would recommend for a newborn? many thanks!

    • January 16, 2017 / 11:44 am

      It depends on how big YOU are and how big the baby is! I started off with the big one but she was so large that she was too high up after about a month and I switched to the smaller.. xx

  3. Chloe
    January 16, 2017 / 12:35 pm

    Hi Ruth

    I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my first and have been following your blog for a while – firstly thank you so much for all the incredibly useful content!

    Secondly, although I have no experience of VBAC v. caesarian, I just wanted to say that it makes me very sad to hear how much this is weighing on your mind and taking over your experience of pregnancy. I completely agree with the commenter above – it does sound as if you already know what your gut is telling you and if you were a friend of mine (who was asking my opinion!) I would say to absolutely follow your gut. You’re already aware of all the risks and benefits of both options. If you allow yourself to trust your instinct and make a (very informed) decision, I imagine you will feel a massive sense of relief and can hopefully enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

    Wishing you all the best and I look forward to hearing how everything goes.


  4. Jemima
    January 16, 2017 / 1:22 pm

    I would be doing exactly the same as you, even though I agree with the other comments, that it does seem like you know your decision already. Try not to let it cause any more stress – at the end of the day, what matters is that your baby is safely snuggled on your chest. It doesn’t matter how she gets here, it just matters that she’s out and with you. (I’m saying she like I know who it is in there…!) I’m saying all of this, but I know that it would be causing me big dilemma-ing too… and it’s like you almost have to do all the research and talking about it, for reassurance that it’s actually OK – totally OK – that you are allowed to opt for a C-Sec. Even though in your heart of hearts, you dreamed of a natural vaginal birth. But it didn’t go to plan and it sucks! But you don’t want that to happen again, thank you very much! Just go with your instinct. Everything to do with being a mother is to do with instinct. And… if I was in your shoes, and wanted to give myself advice, I would say, “you’re in the very last weeks/days of your pregnancy. and who knows, you may not be pregnant again. So, make your choice and feel bloody great about it. Then close up shop. No more reading up about anything. Enjoy these precious, precious moments when it is just you and your husband and your daughter – make the most of her. Of it being just the two of you hanging out. Cuddle her and read to her and put your feet up and drink copious amounts of raspberry leaf tea. You’ll never get this time again”. That is what I would say. If it was me. xxx

  5. Laura
    January 16, 2017 / 1:39 pm

    Hi Ruth. I don’t know if this will help – I had a planned c section for breech baby the first time, I had set my heart in a ‘natural birth’ and was disappointed, but ultimately happy to do the safest thing. Second time round I was determined I was going to have a VBAC as was still desperate to experience a less clinical labour. I ended up with a 54 hour stop-start labour resulting in forceps. It was horrendous. Now I am pregnant with my third and I feel traumatised about the previous labour. I still want to experience a more natural birth but I’m so scared that it will end up like the last one or in an emergency c section. I kind of wish that this baby would be breech too to decide for me! 🙂 I totally relate to your comment about being a bit of a perfectionist and wanting to do things ‘properly’. I also think it’s hard to let go of an idea of what you imagine things will be like versus the reality and I feel like I might be taking the easier option if I ask for a c section if I don’t actually need one. But at the same time, i don’t want to go in to a labour feeling very anxious, as I’ve heard that can stall it (as it did last time?). So many conflicting feelings about it! Good luck and if my baby was large I think I would be swaying the same way as you 🙂

  6. Marie
    January 16, 2017 / 1:47 pm

    Hi Ruth,
    You do deserve to have an elective c section if you wish, your reasons are totally justified and anyone in their right mind would be thinking the same. Whatever happens, I wish you all the best.

  7. Cintia
    January 16, 2017 / 2:13 pm

    Ruth, I also gave birth to a really big baby and ended up with a 3rd degree tear (not pleasant). I’m now pregnant again and will absolutely get a cesarean this time. The risk of having permanent damage is significant so not worth the risk.
    You won’t get any brownie points for putting yourself through a vaginal birth unless you really really want one. Go with whatever your instincts are telling you. At the end of the day it’s your decision and you shouldn’t care about what anybody else is saying. It won’t make you a better or worse mother.
    Good luck xx

  8. Emma
    January 16, 2017 / 9:38 pm

    Hi Ruth,
    Just to say that I’ve found your blog to be very inspiring and have greatly enjoyed following your pregnancy diaries and your journey into being a new mum. Xx

  9. Henriëtte
    January 17, 2017 / 11:35 am

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, listen to your instinct or guts or what ever you call it!! That tells you what to do, you have investigated enough now, just listen to your inner voice.
    Good luck Ruth, I wish you all the best!

  10. Anja
    January 18, 2017 / 10:08 am

    Hi Ruth, I’m not sure whether I commented on your other post about VBAC the last time, so here it goes: I am very sorry that the whole subject is weighing on your mind like this. None of us can really help you though, just like you said. I’ll give you my professional (obstetrician in Germany) and my personal opinion anyway. In Germany you don’t have to go to a seminar about VBAC, on the contrary it is pretty usual nowadays to simply get a C-section if you want to. However if you had a C-Section before you get monitored during the next pregnancy to give you some advice on which type of birth to choose. Just like you said, no one can predict the outcome a 100%. However with a history of C-section with a big albeit breech baby and this pregnancy showing yet another big baby, I personally would recommend another C-section. (Please understand that it is difficult to “diagnose” based on just facts without ever having seen you though.) And my personal opinion? I had a C-section last year, because apparently my little boy was too heavy for me and my body. It still annoys me now and turn because he wasn’t THAT big. Even while not being pregnant again yet I keep thinking about what I’ll do next time. I would love to have a natural birth, I really do. But it it’s going to be around the same size, I don’t think I’ll take the risk!
    Whichever way you choose, I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know you personally (unfortunately), but I just want you to be happy and hold that beautiful baby safely in your arms!

    • January 18, 2017 / 12:58 pm

      Thanks Anja, that’s really helpful. x

  11. Karen
    January 19, 2017 / 8:50 am

    It sounds like you have made up your mind.
    I had twins and had the choice of natural birth or c section and went for C section for many of the same reasons you mention. Many women I spoke to having 2 had a traumatic 40 hr attempt at natural labour before an emergency c section. I didn’t want that trauma for me or the babies so opted for a c section.
    And I think I’m your situation avoiding a traumatic birth is a legitimate reason to decide on a c section.
    Wishing you all the best with your decision and the rest of your pregnancy. I hope you make your decision and enjoy the rest of the time. Xx

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